I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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