Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
