Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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