If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
