Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
