I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
