You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
