the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
