wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
