wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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