Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
