I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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