He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
