Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
