You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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