Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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