Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
