just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
