Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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