Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
