I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
