I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
