Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've blown a few things in my day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
