her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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