I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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