If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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