He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
