Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
