you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have fence marks all over my body
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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