she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
