am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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