And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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