well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
