I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
