Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
