oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
