maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
