OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
