I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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