All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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