How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
