Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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