real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
