The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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