One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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