you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
