He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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