the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
