dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
