End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
