What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
