jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
