Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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