I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
