so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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