He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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