Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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