You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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