When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
