sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
