You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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