I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
