So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
