no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
