Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
