i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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