is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
